The life of solitude isn’t for those without courage, but even the least brave can grow the skills necessary to endure it. Some of us come to this life by our natural inclinations, while others find it forced upon us. Still others flee to solitude to find our true selves if we’ve lost our truth in the swirl of life’s needs, wants, desires, afflictions, or addictions.
Aaron watched the flying bits of snow chase one another in a mad dance just beyond the cave entry way. His thoughts strayed back to the chaos of the battle fields of his warrior days, the clash of weapons, the confrontation of warriors in hand-to-hand conflict, and the resulting gory scenes when he and his fellow cohorts achieved a bloody victory. No one who participated in the slaughter could celebrate the event, for they were only the tools of those who sent them into the battle over lands and borders, resources, national honor, or personal whim. Warriors don’t question why; their part is to do or die.
As Aaron watched the flakes swirl and take up battle lines, he mused to himself: “If our rulers spent any time among the warrior class fighting beside us, they’d not be so quick to go to battle. They might instead try to negotiate first. Miriam came up with a weird saying from one of her journeys: ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ She said back in the old days on earth, this is how children were taught to deal with bullying. If someone called you a name, tell them it couldn’t hurt you, since they would keep after a weakened prey. If the bullies sensed blood in the water, they’d keep biting until the victim was dead. Therefore, standing up to a bully was the best option to stop the behavior. Her companion grew up in this world, but the world in which she lives now tries to protect everyone from the slightest pain.”
Then Aaron watched the snow accumulate in drifts out beyond the overhanging entry to the cave. He no longer could see the pathway to the sanctuary temple, the fountain in the square, or any of the buildings which made up the community’s world. Everything was white, diffuse, and hidden.
He thought, “I wonder if this is how we look upon the face of god now, but later will see god’s face undimmed and bright, once we cross the last bridge and see god face to face?”
“Where did that idea come from?” Aaron shook his head, as if to clean out the cobwebs of sleep forming at the edges of his mind. Stamping his feet, he walked to and fro across the opening of the cave. Executing an about face at each wall, he made about a dozen trips before he felt fully awake again.
“If this is meditation,” he mused, “it feels more like going to sleep! It also feels like losing control, and I’m not sure I’m good with that. The last time I lost control, I went down into the gutters of Plusion as I tried to kill my painful memories with the poison of the Slow Death. At first it was just a pleasant experience, but then I needed more to get that dreamy state, and then even more over time. I remember I was out of control, and I hated myself for it. That’s an experience I don’t want to repeat.”
He shrugged his shoulders and thought some more. “If I hadn’t lost control with the slow death, the healers in Plusion would have brought me to the Shadowy Mountain Sanctuary. I would have never gotten clean without Epiona’s healing herbs or Michael’s garden wisdom. Also, I’d never have met Miriam. Oh, Miriam, your lovely body has brought me so much pleasure and relief. I feel very close to god when I’m with you. I don’t know if this is what “divine union” means, but it’s close enough for me. I’m really too basic and simple to think the high flung thoughts which Miriam so often spouts. Just give me some honest work with my hands, a simple task to complete, and don’t mess it up with too much mumbo-jumbo.”
Aaron leaned against the cave wall, and continued watching the snow pile deeper and deeper and his watch grew longer. The tedium of the watch led him into deeper thoughts. “And why can’t a person come close to god by their deeds? If we serve the hungry or the poor of our world, are we not doing the work of god? If we do it with the heart and compassion for the least of god’s children, aren’t we acting for god in god’s world? If we take care of our land, water, and the creatures for the future generation’s benefit, we’re acting as protectors or guardians of the world. Even if we can’t create a new world, we can preserve and protect the present world in which we live. Our health and well-being, as well as that of our descendants, depends on us.”
Aaron walked back and forth again, for he was chilled. The temperature outside was dropping, a sign the sun was setting, and night was near. As he walked, he continued his thoughts. “This is a warrior’s calling, to protect and to care for others. If we have received a good, don’t we owe a good in return? Our wise ones say, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ This only applies to future acts, but what about our accumulation of past benefits? We have a whole storehouse of treasures or past goods we’ve received. We can either spend these on ourselves or used them towards god’s goods. If we use them to care for the widows, the orphans, and the strangers in our midst, as well as those who have no advocate or helper, then we’re doing the work of god, who is the helper the lowly, the helper of the oppressed, the upholder of the weak, the protector of the forsaken, and the savior of those without hope.
If I have been given much, then much is required. I was saved, so I will save others. This is my calling. This is my duty as a warrior. I have comrades who need me. I’ve seen their battles, lived their battles, born their wounds, and found healing in god’s love and mercy. God can bear our pains and make us whole again. If god can do this for me, god will do this for others. I’ll bring this message to the hurting and broken who yearn to be made whole.”
This resolution in his heart warmed him and the cold of the approaching darkness no longer mattered.
The Journey of a Vagabond Soul 